I work with all kinds of people from all walks of life - men, women, children, CEOs, store managers, stay at home moms, small business owners, corporate managers and executives, anxious teens, professional athletes, grandparents, small business owners, new parents, singles… you name it, I’ve worked with with someone in that situation.
And once I solve someone’s top-of-mind problem, the topic often turns to personal life.
And having worked with enough frustrated, single women, I have to say…
I feel for you.
Because it’s terrible out there in the dating world.
Tinder is for hook ups that never go anywhere. Dating sites seem to be low hit rate. Friends of friends is ok, but what if your friends are all getting married?
Looking cute at the gym, only to get ignored by the gym bros more interested in their workouts than you… Going to singles events that have way more women than men… Looking approachable at bars and clubs only to never get approached…
Maybe your friends are getting married, or even having kids while you can’t seem to find a suitable partner.
You were told to be a strong, independent woman. And you haven’t been just waiting around. Rather, you’ve built a life for yourself and want someone to share it with.
You stay fit, eat right, you’ve worked on yourself, you look good, but you’re still single.
“Where are all the good men?” you might ask.
But in those moments when you are honest with yourself, you know the problem isn’t just the men, is it.
Because when you’re honest with yourself, you know you aren’t as together as you think you need to be.
Sometimes it feels like everyone else has it together and you are just barely holding on. And of course nobody knows, because you can’t let them see what a mess you are sometimes. You are a strong, independent woman, aren’t you?
Aren’t you!?
But sometimes…
Sometimes you don’t want to be.
Because you’re tired.
So, so tired.
Sometimes you want a man to hold space for you, to take care of things so you can turn off your brain for once. Sometimes you just want to be, to exist, to let someone else have the responsibility.
Sometimes a woman just wants to be a woman.
But for that to happen…
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that from smart, successful, attractive single women.
They don’t say it at first… but when we get to the root of their unhappiness, their frustration, their dissatisfaction with life, it almost always comes down to this:
Relationships.
Because women aren’t meant to go it alone. Some men really are lone wolves, but that’s just not how women evolved. Women evolved for connection.
So let’s call a spade a spade and cut to the chase.
How do you find a suitable partner in today’s environment?
I feel like I’ve been showing up a lot differently, even with my friends. They’ve complimented it, when it comes to like setting boundaries, or saying yes and no and all of that stuff. And so it’s kind of interesting to see, to let that side come out, especially around these guys in my life, and see how they react.
First, let me tell you that there are good men everywhere.
EVERYWHERE.
But they aren’t with you, are they.
Why not?
I know you’ve been told your whole life that you’re stunning and brave, that you deserve the best, that you can have anything you want, and that it’s only the bad actors trying to oppress you that keep you from your dreams.
But that’s bullshit, and you know it.
Because if you’ve been seeking a partner for a while and you still don’t have a suitable man in your life…
…the problem is YOU.
5 years of being single and reading endless books, podcasts and blogs, only for my life to whole heartedly change in a couple of sessions with you.
This is a good question, but it’s the wrong question.
The right question is: “What am I being wrong?”
Because I’m going to tell you another uncomfortable truth:
Male preference matters.
And one of the ways I see women violate male preference is with attachment style issues.
Are you clingy and overly attached? (Anxious attachment style)
Are you hostile to those you are attracted to? (Avoidant attachment style)
Or… are you secure?
Because men can smell attachment issues a mile away. And the good men have a lot of options in the women they choose to be with.
And men with options don’t choose to be with women who have anxious or avoidant attachment styles.
Sure, he’ll text you for a booty call. Why wouldn’t he? And you answer… but perhaps you suspect you’re not his only girl.
Women with attachment issues and/or mental health instability usually get put into either the “avoid” or “short term” category. And some even make it to side chick status.
But just try to have that exclusivity conversation with him.
Or maybe you already tried, and it didn’t go so well…
When this guy and I first connected, he was actively pursuing me. And I was feeling very avoidant, and then I got very anxious. And it’s kind of like what you said, guys can just pick up on it, and I feel like, the moment I started my avoidance, and then anxiety started flaring, that’s when he started to just like… he didn’t just dump my ass, but it was just less time spent together, and I felt that distance, which obviously heightened everything. So then you and I did our sessions, and I didn’t see him for a month straight. And then when I saw him again, it just felt like he was a different person and I was a different person, in good ways. And then since then, we’ve just slowly been starting to hang out again. But it just feels very different on my end, because…
…because I’m just like, seeing what’s there. I’m just open. But I’m not like, attached to this guy anymore. And then it feels like he’s just showing up in a very different manner, now that I’m not in that energy. So it’s been really neat to see a difference in me, but then also see a difference in the way that he shows up. And with that, there’s been other guys that I feel have picked up on that energy shift and have sort of been entering my orbit. But yeah, I just don’t feel attached or like I’m grasping at any of them. I’m just kind of letting things unfold, which is really nice.
Attachment styles have become a hot topic these days. It seems everyone knows about their style.
Maybe you already know yours.
And maybe you tried to fix it. Perhaps you read books, or listened to podcasts, or watched videos–or all of those things. Perhaps you went to therapy.
But therapy didn’t work, did it.
Because in most cases, therapy doesn’t actually FIX the problem.
Maybe you felt better discussing it with a sympathetic listener–but you still had the problem.
Maybe you learned some things and gained more understanding of your problem–but you still had the problem.
Maybe you felt a bit better ABOUT having the problem–but you still had the problem!
So… how do you actually fix the problem?
Attachment issues can be fixed.
But as I said, standard therapy (and standard therapists) usually can’t fix them.
Because attachment issues reside in places deeply rooted into the subconscious–deep where our mother and father connections reside, and set way back when we were babies or toddlers.
Standard therapy methods just can’t get there. They don’t go deep enough.
But I can…
Because I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I’m not a traditional or standard therapist. Technically I’m not a therapist at all!
I am a hypnotist.
And all that means is that I have the skills to communicate directly with your subconscious mind to resolve the issue where it resides.
(Oh, and don’t worry if you can’t be hypnotized - I studied the work of Dr. Milton Erickson, who solved that problem for good!)
I noticed after we did our 3-4 sessions on my anxious attachment and father history sessions and how much that was reflecting in my dating journey, that I started to see the effects of the work we did almost immediately. At first it was wild because it was like entering a world I’ve already been living in but as a new person and trying to implement the rewiring while not trying at all. That was the coolest part. I was able to release all expectations and strong grips around dating and truly feel that.
I was looking back on our session times, and connected that our most pivotal session was June 5 and June 6 is when I met the most special man I knew was the person I would wind up with. We’ve been creating a solid foundation since then and it’s beyond what I’ve ever dreamt of. 5 years of being single and reading endless books, podcasts and blogs, only for my life to whole heartedly change in a couple of sessions with you.
I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the work that you do. You have expanded me in ways I couldn’ think were possible. To see you change not only my life but those loved ones around me too is something i can’t even put into words. When my friends and family ask me what changed and what happened (since they too noticed a dramatic shift) I always respond “Jason.”
So thank you again, I am eternally grateful for your work.
Before sessions: “Whenever I talk to him on the phone, I feel worse because he still doesn’t know [ if he wants to move in together ], and I want the answers, and then I feel really sad that I’m going to lose him”
Session 1: “For the last few days I’ve felt a LOT better. Like you said, it was hard to access those feelings of insecurity. I do continue to wake up with anxiety & fear but after a few hours it goes away… it’s not as bad as they were.”
Session 2: “Doing a lot better. I am still feeling some of my anxious attachment- checking a lot to see if my partner has texted, worrying about what will happen if he doesn’t commit to living with me by the end of our visit in a couple weeks, feeling like I have to force or convince him. My mind thinks about it a LOT. But I’m feeling a lot more calm than I normally would be considering what happened.”
Session 3: “I’m feeling a lot better. I still notice the thoughts sometimes but they don’t have charge in my body. The only time I feel stressed is on the phone with my partner and a little at night, but it’s WAY less intense. I think he notices the shift as well as I haven’t brought up problems like I used to every day.”
Session 4: “Doing pretty well, a lot better than before. Still having some intrusive thoughts but other than that I’m good!”
Session 5: “I’ve been good! Feeling a lot more balanced and like I’m in more control of my thoughts.”
Session 6: “So on Saturday, I’m going to London with my mom for a quick trip, a spontaneous trip, and then after that, I’m going straight to Ontario to live with my partner, So we have a lot going on.”